Computer Confessions 🙏

Is this still active ?

I'm a manager for a large tech company beginning with 'A', and I blamed a catastrophic mistake on one of my interns who my manager then told me to fire... poor dude was awesome at his job too. I feel terrible about it, told him it was due to a department reshuffle and gave him severence from my own wallet

Accidentally DD'd client EMDR sensor in China that took 6 months to get out there because project manager gave me the wrong hostname. Cost over 15k.

Took out thousands of client EMDR sensors across the world by shutting off the command and control server.

Rolled back a vm in prod with a broken backup.

I always say something weird is happening on the backend - whenever non-IT people ask me why something isn't finished or working properly when the deadline hits... Just so happens to be 100% true, whether it is relevant or not #SHRUG

I work at Crowdstrike and pushed the development patch to production

all staff email stated a company holiday, created a reminder in my calendar on my phone and it then sent the “meeting” invite to every single person in the company…

I accidentally closed the onsite AD port because I fat fingered two numbers on the keyboard without paying attention when trying to tidy up open ports after an infrastructure upgrade.

I didn't do anything. I just wanted a friend to talk to. I feel alone.

Every time I forget to make a change that was requested or deploy something I just blame it on the system. "Oh strange, looks like that got rolled back because it's not in PROD yet." meanwhile I forgot because I WFH and got distracted playing Cookie Clicker and watching shit on YouTube. Somehow they think I'm a professional.

I saved a configuration in a remote router that kicked me off and blocked my access. Had to make a secret trip to visit locally.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

I use Reddit at work

I hate windows, but use it for gaming only.

I'm 17, and messed up baddly. Hacked into a big company. Waiting for my court date. Don't do stupid stuff :)

I once accidentally double encrypted a PC with two different encryption softwares. It was bricked. Told the user she got a nasty virus and to be careful when browsing the web.

Had an older pos POS system at work many moons ago. Was set up with zero redundancies or fail safes. I told the tower that the next time it froze I was going to put my foot through it. It didn't listen and I fulfilled my end of the deal.

I once did a sql update on the users table of our SAAS to change my username, and changed the whole users table username. I very quietly had to ask the dba to restore todays backup.

I once left my vpn on my phone and went to sleep, during the night outlook checked in about 3 country’s, cause my boss to lock my account till I could explain.

Accidently renamed a production table using Navicat - didn't realize till the callcenter got flooded with 100s of calls about mail not working.. Table i renamed? Users Fortunately was an easy rollback, total downtime: 20 minutes

I ALWAYS in-place upgrade, I never migrate roles

I used Tor to play Cool Math Games from my work computer

My bosses are also friends of mine, who go back about a decade before the business even started. The billing manager was also a good friend of ours, but wasn't very good at their job. Eventually managment told me to shut down their access at a certain time and this person was exited from the company. They don't hold any malace for me for it, but I still feel awful over it.

I once did an RM -rf without verifying what directory I was in. I had to restore TB worth of data, some of it lost forever

Soooooo this was interesting..... I wonder what the morning will bring.... 🧐

One day, I was SSHed into a clients router and adding a new ACL entry on the WAN interface when I accidentally blocked all inbound traffic. I ran over to the clients site and discreetly rebooted the router to clear the changes I made and also restore VPN and Remote Desktop connections to the site.

Mouse jiggler and slept the whole day because of previous late night shenanigans. No one noticed.

If it ever fails remember it’s all because of DNS

We are tracking your IP 😈

I haven't made any big mistakes yet. I'm sure they will be great. Wish me luck

Corporate IT scum Trvmp2025

I found a spreadsheet of the entire company's salaries and I printed it out

POST TO LINKEDIN IS SO F()CKING FUNNY

I accidentally sent a test email to our entire user base with the subject line 'Test 123, is this thing on?' We played it off as a new marketing campaign.

I once deleted the production database instead of the test database. Spent the next 24 hours secretly trying to recover it.

the proverbial fork bomb

Word filter database growing

This is going well...

you widdle website getting a widdle hard to keep up with it’s willy hard to see truths huh widdle guy

admin working overtime trying to cancel that guy for saying the truth haha

Site Admin censoring lol

Stetsons a LEGEND FOR THIS! Also go to sleep my dude.

I love eating cookies

Censorship will not stand

Eons in a far far away galaxy... witnessed an access to a system for systems for a health network, a large one... when staging occurred.. macs needed registering... if that entire system list of macs vanished. Nothing would happen... until someone rebooted a thing.. then it would need to be reimaged... Even if this ever could happen. It couldn't be restored or rectified until plenty of reboots and so on and so on... could have crippled a system for a day, a week, maybe a month. I'm surprised it didn't happen or not that much... seriously some scary ship we see...

I am the C-Suite secret spy for a multi billion dollar org. I get dirt on employees, redact damaging conversations, and overall make sure the company doesn't have "Liabilities".

I accidently blessed the rains in Asia, not Africa :(

I once took an extended bathroom break right before the rest of my team took down a database. It caused issues. I had no idea since I was on the toilet. It was only a few days later I found out what happened. They thought I was there. I kept my mouth shut.

I once named a critical database table 'breakingbad' because I was binge-watching the series while coding. It took months before anyone noticed.

I've been using the same 'temporary' password for our staging environment for the past 3 years. It's 'JustForNowIPromise123!

I created an AI chatbot for customer service, but it kept flirting with the customers. Turns out I accidentally trained it on my old Tinder conversations.

I set up a script to automatically reply 'Have you tried turning it off and on again?' to 50% of all IT support tickets. Our resolution times improved by 30%.

I once spent two days debugging a 'network issue' before realizing I had accidentally kicked out the Ethernet cable while stretching under my desk.